The past year has been full of promise, achievement, and wonder for my company, GreenProfit Solutions. We have assisted numerous businesses in becoming more effective stewards of the global environment and their community. Additionally, the entire structure changed when a new partner was brought aboard. I stubbornly relinquished the title of CEO, and am now relegated to simply, President. However, (massively important) titles aside, our efforts have been impressive. Once a simple “green business” program, the offerings now range from comprehensive sustainability assessment services, product retrofits, ISO consulting/certification, and employee teambuilding exercises.Not too shabby for a new business.
Of course, nothing can remain the same for long, and as the times change, so will we. No longer is it worth “sticking to our morals” for a single cause, even if it may be one which will guide the future of our planet. Hot off the heels of the President’s recent announcement of offshore drilling expansion and Google’s name change to Topeka, we, too, will be making some changes.
Dismayed with the progress of “sustainability” and “green” in society, GreenProfit Solutions has decided to “follow the dollar” and make a shift in industry: Coal and petroleum extraction systems.“Pump, baby, pump” will be the new slogan for the company. Or “dig, you, dig”, really, whatever gets the uninsured and underpaid employees to pull that energy-rich fuel out of the earth.
Solar, wind, geothermal, you ask? Solar is just some light, and why harness light when you can create it with wonderful incandescent bulbs! Psh, can you hold a pound of wind? What about geothermal? No, because you’d burn your hand on the molten lava (which we do not cover our employees against, so don’t do it). The future is in the oldest stuff we can find, because, to be honest, it’s cheap for us, and we can charge whatever we want for you, our forever customer!
So to better reflect our commitment towards this end, we will be changing our name to Fool’s Gold Power, at least for today. Because, since we’ve completely abandoned our morals and beliefs, we may do something entirely different in the future.
Don’t be surprised if we’re GreenProfit Solutions again tomorrow.